Colin's story: How volunteering helped me cope with grief

Anne had vascular dementia and one year before her death I made the decision to give up work and become her full-time carer. As the condition took hold, I was the only one who could bring her out of herself from time to time by talking to her and recalling old times. About a minute before she died in December 2018, I asked her if she knew who I was, and she made a noise which I had heard before and knew was a resounding ‘Yes’. That was an early Christmas present for me. I was delighted with that.

Christmas was a blur that year, it felt like I was having an out of body experience. Everyone around me was getting on with organising and shopping but I was in a daze. Grief is a very hard thing to understand if you haven't experienced it yourself.

I felt Anne was still with me, but I was completely lost and alone. I used to aimlessly wander the streets, calling into art galleries, museums and cafes to pass the time and put the days in. I also really noticed and felt that people avoided me, since they didn’t know what to say. I think it’s important when somebody suffers a bereavement, to not deliberately avoid them because you don't know how to act. Just saying ‘I don't know what to say’ means a great deal.

It was around that time, about a month after Anne's death, that I happened to wander past the Sue Ryder Altrincham shop and see a sign asking for volunteers to come forward. I felt so down and depressed that I knew I needed to do something to try and help myself, so I went in and explained to the manager I was interested and started the following week.

I can honestly say that I have never looked back, volunteering in the shop has been fantastic for me. The volunteers and staff range from early twenties to over 80 years old. We all get on really well and learn something from each other. A few of us go out for dinner and a drink about twice a week and this is something I look forward to and enjoy, it really keeps me going.

It's a joy speaking to customers and being around people now. There is a lovely, welcoming atmosphere in the shop, even customers will say that it feels like a really happy place. Needless to say, I have no plans to move on, I am so happy here, it really does feel like a second family.

Christmas is very different for me now. Neighbours and friends invite me to their homes over Christmas, so I am no longer walking the streets in a daze. I still feel lost and miss Anne terribly, but the difference is I am surrounded by people. I don't dread Christmas; I look forward to making the best of it and doing something for others. Making people smile really helps and makes me happy.