Going to Sue Ryder's grief support group - Grief Kind Space

My dad had a massive stroke and died very suddenly. I didn't have an opportunity to deal with it and process things, because I had to look after Mum as well, as that was what he was doing before he died. I was acting as a carer whilst I was doing all the administration to do with Dad and trying to work as well. It’s hard to process how you feel about that massive loss, and the void that's appeared. I was exhausted mentally. I couldn't cope with my responsibilities for Mum, and I didn't have any energy left.

A health carer that visits my mum recommended Sue Ryder’s Grief Kind Space. She recognised that I was at a point where I probably needed to get some extra help, as I just wasn't getting any. I knew I had to do something. She gave me the link, and said, ‘you've got to go’. The moment I came, I started to improve. I walked in and there was never a moment where I thought, ‘I can't do this’ or ‘I don't want to’. I couldn’t wait to get there because I knew I needed to.

I live on my own, and everybody I normally see at weekends is at the football. There's no opportunity at all to talk about things. You can tell that people don't want you to talk about your emotions, so you just shut it off.

But at the Grief Kind Space you’ve suddenly got a license to share your feelings, and an audience who are okay with you talking about it. Even if it's just talking for two minutes, or for twenty minutes, bursting into tears and completely letting go. I didn't have that license to let go before, and that’s a bloke's nightmare.

The Grief Kind Space is where you can take a couple of hours and talk about all those things that come with the death of someone that you have to deal with. And then you can come back into life and carry on that journey. And that's what it’s given me. It’s given me the opportunity to talk.

It's helped me enjoy going to the football again, because I know that I can just focus on watching the football, as I've done all my talking about grief here. Before I couldn't talk about it anywhere. But I wanted to. But for me the football’s not the right place to do it. The Grief Kind Space is. I don't need anything else. Everyone's very different. You process at various speeds. No one's ever come up with a magic bullet for how to deal with grief. And I've never expected that. But this has been fantastic for me.

But don't come here and think someone's going to say something to you that changes your life or your direction. It's not like that. It's just a space with people who know exactly what you're going through. And when you walk in you just know. I saw these people and realised that everyone here knows exactly one thing – what it’s like to lose someone. And we didn't speak straight away. We didn't know each other. But that's a relief because that's what you're looking for. You're looking for an outlet.

It might be after three months, it might be after two weeks, it might be after a year. But you will get to that point where you go, I do need to talk, and that's all it is. It's just talking. People might think you get asked a lot of questions, but you can just come and say nothing, or you can say everything, because it's okay either way.