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Grief Kind Space: A lifeline for Sue after her husband’s sudden death

12 Sep 2024

When Sue O’Shea’s husband died unexpectedly, she struggled to cope with her grief. Then the 68-year-old heard about Sue Ryder’s Grief Kind Space in her hometown of Cheltenham, and she decided to attend. Here she talks about her experience at the Grief Kind Space, and how for her it’s been a lifeline at an incredibly difficult time.

How grief support groups helped me

My husband died very suddenly. It was 3am, and I noticed that he wasn't in the bedroom anymore. I went downstairs, and he said he felt terrible. I made him some peppermint tea and he sat back to drink it. And then suddenly, I looked at him and I thought, ‘he’s not breathing’. And I dialled 999. They showed me how to do CPR. The paramedics managed to eventually get his heart going again, and he was placed in critical care at Cheltenham Hospital. He passed away three days later.

When I was arranging the funeral, I came into John Lewis with my daughters to buy black dresses. And on the noticeboard, we saw they were advertising this group, the Grief Kind Space, in the cafe. My eldest daughter lives away from home, and she said, ‘Mum, what are you going to do when we we’re not around to support you anymore?’

Mum, what are you going to do when we we’re not around to support you anymore?

My first meeting

The first time I came to the Grief Kind Space, it was like coming in to meet old friends. Everybody was so kind. They just gave me a hug. They listened to my story, and it was so uplifting to come somewhere where people know how you’re feeling, and what you need.

Like meeting old friends

I talk about my story, but we talk about other things too. I've made good friends here. We've met up separately as well. We went to the pub when it was my wedding anniversary, which was the first big landmark. It was their idea. It was such a kind thing to do and helped me get through that day enormously.

We went to the pub when it was my wedding anniversary... It was such a kind thing to do and helped me get through that day enormously.

I've been coming for about six months now. It's helped me through because I don't know many people in Cheltenham. I'm on my own quite a lot, but I know that if I've had a bad week, I can share things with people in the group. And supporting other people when they're going through a hard time helps you see that it's not you on your own, and that all these feelings of grief you have are just you going through the process.

The welcome mat is open

This group is the only support I’ve had. It's been amazing. The welcome mat is open for you. If you look up and see a person for the first time, you just welcome them in, and know they’ll get the same treatment that I did when I first came.

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