Mike and Brenda’s story of cancer, hospice care and grief

Where do I start? We met online. I still remember. I drove up to her flat and this vivacious, wonderful Brenda just leaned out the window and waved. It was just instant. I just thought 'she's the one', she just loved life so much.

Things were obviously weren't right, so I took her down to A&E and my world was turned upside down. She had spine cancer.

When we arrived at Sue Ryder Leckhampton Court Hospice, the care, love and support was just incredible. Brenda fought cancer for two years, as well as struggling with sepsis and pneumonia. It was touch and go a few times. She had become frightened of hospitals, but as soon she got to the hospice, she felt reassured, and we found peace. She called all the staff her angels. When I look back, she couldn’t have had a better place to spend her final days. The care and love they gave just blew me away. She was pain-free. She felt safe and comfortable here, and you can't ask for anything more.

I said to Brenda ‘I can’t just keep bringing in chocolates and sweets – what more can I do?’ The nurses mentioned fundraising, and I thought ‘oh that’s the way to do it!’ My daughter recorded me going in and telling Brenda that I’d signed up, and put it out on social media. It resonated with people that I was doing it while she was being looked after at the hospice.

I reckoned I could raise about £600, and I thought that was pretty good. Gradually the money started coming in thick and fast, and I’d raised £1000 by the end of the week. One of the fundraisers said I’d hit my target so I could stop if I wanted. But it became a bit of a challenge for me – the fundraising leader board spurred me on!

There is an expression of 'silence is deafening'; never quite understood that until Bren passed. I was brought up in the 50s and 60s. It was very much stiff upper lip, handshakes, you know, no emotion sort of thing. Sue Ryder stayed in contact. They said let it out, Mike. There's no shame in it and friends and families have noticed that are in many ways more relaxed, a little bit more touchy-feely sort of thing.

It's very important Sue Ryder are able to continue the wonderful work that they do, all the nurses, the staff, the volunteers, the chefs, the cleaners, physio team, everybody. They are all involved. They were there for Bren and I will be there for them as long as I can.