Volunteering in memory of mum - Sophie's story

Mum was the fittest most healthy woman going. She really looked after herself, and was always on the go. Everyone she met had so much love for her, she was so bubbly and happy all of the time. When she started struggling with back pain, me and my brother thought she had just overdone it with cleaning. Then she had some blood tests, and we knew something wasn’t quite right. It was during the peak of the Covid pandemic, and after persisting with health professionals, she went in on Christmas Eve for a scan, and then got called in on Christmas Day to say they’d found a mass. Initially there was hope of recovery with treatment, but after further imaging, Mum and our family had the devastating news she was being referred for palliative care. She had a very rare and aggressive form of cancer called cholangiocarcinoma. She died on 15th April 2021.

The care she had there was amazing. The only way I can describe the hospice is like a home from home. All the little things they did meant so much to us as a family. Nothing was ever too much to ask, and the team were always so polite, welcoming, and compassionate. Mum was so happy there.

There’s such a big stigma around hospices for patients and families. Mum went in for pain management early on in her diagnosis. She came back and said ‘it’s so beautiful. When it’s my time I want to go there’. All the staff are like angels. It’s the only way I can describe them. It wasn’t like a hospital setting. I walked in one day and she was having a head and foot massage! She was so relaxed, it was just so lovely. It was the nicest place you could hope to be in the circumstances.

Mum’s personality was so infectious. Whenever I would visit she would be chatting away to the nurses. When she got so unwell that she couldn’t communicate easily, the nurses still treated her with the dignity and respect like at the beginning, chatting away to her still.

One spring day before Mum died, the sun was peeking out, and they took Mum out into the courtyard and gave her an ice cream! Now that’s a memory that really sticks with me and my brother. It’s those small gestures which go such a long way with families.

Sue Ryder is a charity close to my heart. They rely on people’s generous donations. Until you’re in that situation of being in a hospice with a loved one, you don’t think it’s going to be you. It’s the toughest time of your life. If you can do anything to help others in that situation, you’ll do it.

My heart feels fulfilled after volunteering, and it gives me a sense of closeness to Mum. If she was here now, I hope she would be proud of me for helping repay Sue Ryder for the amazing care she received.

You meet some amazing people while volunteering. Everyone has a reason to be there, and that bonds you. I’m quite young, and a lot of volunteers are of retirement age. I want to take any stigma away from young people volunteering. Me giving up my time is nothing compared to what you get out of it. It gives me purpose. The team at the hospice are so heartwarming and friendly, they make you feel so welcome and they make you want to keep going back. They’re so appreciative of anything you can do to help.

I’m so grateful to Sue Ryder, and volunteering is the only way I feel I can repay them.

This Mother's Day we are sharing stories from amazing supporters who are inspired by their mums to help Sue Ryder continue our vital end-of-life and bereavement services.

If you're grieving, Mother's Day can be hard. Take a look at our information on Coping with Mothers Day.