Sarah's story
When Sarah’s daughter Laura died suddenly at the age of just 25 she found people began to act differently around her. Through Sue Ryder’s online bereavement services Sarah, 51, discovered support and comfort and the chance to connect with other parents who were grieving for adult children.
“Laura was my eldest daughter. I know she would want me to be brave and tell people about her. A few years ago Laura contracted sepsis and lost the use of her left leg so her mobility was quite limited. It was tough but she just kept going and always had a smile on her face.
“We are a military family and we had just moved into our forever home and I had become Laura’s full-time carer. Everyone was coming out of Covid and getting used to living again and then, all of a sudden, our whole world was turned upside down. Laura had a cardiac arrest and we couldn’t get her back.
“Sue Ryder has played a huge part in how I have tried to navigate and understand my grief. There are still going to be some tough days to come but it’s nice to be able to think of Laura with a smile on my face now.”
“You get through those first few weeks. You have the funeral and everyone is around and then, within a month or so, you are on your own. I joined Sue Ryder’s Online Bereavement Community and it helped to read other people’s stories and connect with people who had lost adult children. You don’t feel so on your own because you can see that other people are experiencing the same feelings as you. It makes you realise you’re not going completely crazy. I thought maybe I wanted to speak to somebody so I contacted Sue Ryder’s Online Counselling Service. Sometimes it can feel like you’re carrying other people’s grief too and you don’t get a chance to speak about how you’re feeling. I often felt I couldn’t get my words out but then I met my online counsellor. I think I just cried in the first session, but she listened and over the weeks you sort of start looking forward to the next session.
“I still think back to those sessions, and I know how much I needed them. And I still go on the Online Community because there will be people who are starting on that same journey, where you just don’t know what to think or who to turn to, and I thought, well actually I’ve been there, and I understand so I might be able to help someone in the way that it helped me.
“I read that grief is like glitter – you think you have cleared it all up, but it just sticks around and gets everywhere and all of a sudden there it is again. With Sue Ryder, and the Online Community especially – when you are crying and you don’t want to see anyone, or it’s 2am and anywhere else would be shut – you can go on there and you can belong to something that will give you that strength. For me, it’s been huge what Sue Ryder has done. In the middle of the night when you can’t sleep, someone – a complete stranger - will be there to say it’s ok, I’ve been there.”
“I wrote a poem during the time I had the counselling. When I was talking to the counsellor, I felt there were some things I couldn’t quite get out so she encouraged me to write it down. I have found grief to be this thing that you don’t want but it’s always there. It can feel like you are stuck in a sad angry place trying to figure out what’s going on and grief sits with you through that. So that personification of grief is the basis of the poem. If my poem can help other people, I would like it to.”