Become a Friend of Sue Ryder with a regular donation and be part of something very special.
How can I cope with grief?
The death of someone close to you can feel overwhelming. You may feel a mixture of emotions as you try to process what’s happened. On this page, we share advice to help you deal with these feelings, so that you can learn to live with grief.
Your feelings will be influenced by many different things, including your relationship with the person who has died, your personality, values, beliefs, and circumstances. The important thing is to accept that it is ok to have these feelings and that grieving is a process we all have to learn to live with when someone dies.
Looking after your physical health is always an essential part of getting through difficult times. Getting enough sleep and eating properly can help you deal with the different emotions you are feeling.
For some of us, keeping busy and throwing ourselves into different activities can help. If that helps you, try to do things even if you don’t feel up to it. Others find they need to take things more slowly and take time out of their day-to-day life and activities.
Even now, I stop myself from thinking too far into the future. It’s so frightening, to think I have to go forward without him.
Most people find it helps to talk through their feelings. You may find it enough to talk with family or close friends, or you may find counselling either one-to-one or in a group helpful.
People who have lost a partner can find it particularly helpful to go to a group and talk to other people in the same situation. On the other hand, you may feel that you don’t want to talk, in which case it is important to find other ways to manage your feelings.
I felt I had to be the strong one, because it was just me and my sister left. …. What I was actually doing was causing myself long term damage as I wasn’t able to process what happened.
Sometimes people’s different ways of coping can create tensions and strains within a family, as different family members may have different ways of grieving.
Perhaps one person wants to talk about and share their feelings, but another person does not want to talk and prefers to busy themselves with activities. When this happens you need to try to find a way to be sensitive to each other’s needs, whilst coping with your feelings in your own way.
Important dates such as birthdays, wedding anniversaries and festivities, can be particularly hard. It normally helps if you can think beforehand about what you will do and what will help you get through the day.
Some people like to create a tradition, such as visiting the person’s grave, or the place where their ashes are scattered. There is no right or wrong thing to do on these different occasions, you only need to do the things that are important to you and help you to cope.
Ron was the love of my life, and it still affects me. I still hide for one week of the year.
Lots of people find walking really helpful as it gets you out of the house, provides some physical exercise, and can help you to think differently. Sometimes, particularly if you are feeling lonely, it can be good to see other people out and about, even if you’re not ready to engage with them.
I think what helps me the most with the grief is the sunshine... When you are in the darkest depths it’s amazing what that little bit of light can do.
Finding ways to connect with the person who has died
Sometimes having a particular routine or ritual can help you to reconnect with the person you loved. This doesn’t need to be something you do on a particular date, but might be something you can do any time.
It could be something like visiting the place where their ashes are scattered, or going on a walk that you did together.
If someone close to you has died and your friends or family are grieving too, you may all have different reactions and ways of coping. It can help to remember that people’s behaviour may not reflect how they are feeling inside.
Even if you are close to someone, you may not know what they need. Try to be open and give them space to talk and ask for support if they want to. Remember that you may be going through different emotions and that’s OK – there are many ways to grieve.
Supporting someone else when you are grieving too can be particularly hard. Make sure you allow space for your own grief, and have other people you can talk to. Look after yourself by trying to eat regularly and get enough sleep.
Sometimes it can feel like you’re carrying other people’s grief too and you don’t get a chance to speak about how you’re feeling.
When should a grieving person get professional help?
Very intense emotions are a normal part of the grieving process. They can last a long time, but most people do learn to cope. Sometimes though, they may need professional bereavement support.
Signs that a bereaved person might need extra help can include:
If things don’t improve within a few weeks, encourage the person to see their GP. They will be able to help them find the right support, which could include counselling, group therapy or medication.
I thought I could deal with it by myself but actually I realised I couldn’t have all that on my shoulders and not talk to someone about it.
Sometimes the practical challenges after someone dies can make grief harder to cope with. Our information on what to do when someone dies includes information on registering a death, bereavement leave from work, bereavement benefits, how to arrange a funeral and much more.
How long does grief last? And how can I cope with my bereavement? In this section, you’ll find support and advice to help you throughout your grief journey if you’re struggling after a bereavement.
