Giving back to families like ours: Claire's story
After Claire's dad Valentine was looked after by the expert team at Sue Ryder St John’s Hospice during his final days, she knew almost immediately that she wanted to give something back to the charity. “It touches my heart like nothing else.”
When dad went into the hospice
I’d experienced for myself how hard the staff work on that ward. I sat back and thought to myself, ‘I want to be able to support Sue Ryder the way they’ve supported me.’
We were frightened, and didn’t know what to expect. My family had no help from anybody. We cared for my dad ourselves. Then Sue Ryder St John’s Hospice came on the scene, and we were offered support from the Palliative Care Hub.
When Dad went into the hospice for the first time, we thought that was it. But the nurses said they’d ‘recharged his batteries’, and the change was remarkable. We were blown away by the specialist care the nurses and doctors gave to him. It was unlike anything he’d been given through his years of living with cancer.
We immediately knew we were in safe hands, and that we’d come to the right place.
We were able to bring dad home, which was fantastic. The team at Sue Ryder said ‘Claire don’t worry, we’ll always be here to support you if he becomes unwell again. Don’t think you can’t come back to us.’
When I did have to bring Dad back in, we’d had an awful weekend. I’d had the District Nurse out and been on the phone to the Palliative Care Hub. I had a call from the hospice, and they said ‘bring him in, we’ve got his old room ready for him’ It was fantastic. By 11 o’clock that morning, Dad was back in his bed, relaxed and asleep.
They were open and honest throughout the whole process. They don’t hide anything – if you’ve got questions they’ll answer them, and they take time to explain things to you. I was always kept informed, and if something happened during the day they’d call me.
Even at the end they were amazing. I had a call on Thursday to say dad had days left, so the whole family went to the hospice. And when Dad passed away, they were just fantastic.
When I said I wanted to volunteer, I was welcomed with open arms.
Becoming a volunteer
I had a chat with Emma, the Volunteer Coordinator. She was really caring and understanding. She wanted to make sure I felt comfortable doing the role as it had only been a few months since Dad died. But I knew in my heart and soul that I really wanted to be on the ward supporting families like mine.
Once a week after work, I go straight to the hospice. I can be with a patient for an hour, or sometimes I’ll just pop in and change the water in their flowers, close their blinds or open their windows. I’ll get them a cup of tea, clear dishes away and make sure the kitchen upstairs is tidy.
I can recognise if a family is in need – they’ll look confused. I’ll see them walking down the corridor, and I don’t hesitate to ask ‘are you okay?’ Rather than them worrying about leaving their loved one in their room, I’ll go and find them a doctor.
I build a connection with the patients. If we have a conversation one week, I remember that the next time and say ‘oh how did your son’s football match go?’ I find little things I can relate to. It doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom, sat in the room crying – there’s room for joy too. It’s the little things that make the change.
I walk out and smile to myself, and think ‘tonight I made a difference again’. I’m helping people when they need it most, and I know dad would be proud of me.
The rewards of helping other families
When you first arrive at the hospice with your loved one, your emotions are all over the place. You don’t know what to expect. But I know how people are feeling. I try and reassure them. I know the shoes they’re walking in – I’ve walked in them myself, and I’ll do my best to walk alongside them.
I’ve never felt so fulfilled. I’m so passionate about it. I’m there to give everything I can to the team at Sue Ryder. The appreciation you get from staff is extraordinary. They call me their little breath of fresh air. People say to me ‘don’t you feel sad?’ I say no because if I can make someone’s end of life that little bit better, then it’s all worthwhile.
If you’ve got the time and the compassion to support a family at such a difficult time, then I definitely recommended you apply. You’ll never experience anything as rewarding as volunteering at a hospice.